Greg, thank you so much for choosing a color scheme that doesn't blind me when I turn on my laptop. I love earthy hues, and it works well considering that you're discussing dig sites and aged diaries. Also, on your coverpage, the image matches the color scheme. Good eye.
It looks like you and I share a similar style when it comes to dialogue. I prefer to omit "he said, she said, etc." whenever I can. Most of the time, those indicators are redundant. It's much more natural, in my opinion, to read the dialogue as if I were to hear it. Your choice to write the dialogue as such is one of my favorite parts of your style.
When it comes to grammar and syntax, only one sentence jumped out at me. When you write "I... I can leave if you need me to?", the question mark is unnecessary. The ellipse you include is enough to indicate that the narrator is feeling uncertain whether he's welcome at the dig site.
Overall, I love the concept, and I'm excited to see what you end up doing with it. There are so many interesting approaches you could take with ancient diaries. Good luck!
I like that your cover page image was very relevant to your title. I am excited to see what your storybook has in store. I loved a post you did last week and that is why I chose your storybook this week. I liked that your introduction was told from your personal point of view, and not from a character. I thought that was a really interesting method to start your storybook with. I really liked that your stories are coming from a logical source like an archaeological dig site. I think it is interesting how different your writing is compared to other people in the class. I can tell you have taken letters courses because you write a lot like my friend who is also a letters major. You have a different way of viewing things and a different type of creative mind than I do. I actually read the version of “The Monkey King’s Diary” in your storytelling post from last week, and really liked it. So, I am happy you chose to include it in your storybook!I liked that neither you or Neville seemed to like the Monkey King. I can’t wait to read about the other heroes you will write about and how you choose to tell their stories.
I really liked your introduction and your page has a good layout overall. Your idea is fantastic and I like that you included yourself in the story. I think you did good to give the archaeologist a personality, from his long name to drinking tea at the end. I also think it’s good that you came right out and said what stories will be in your storybook. Since these are all well-known and popular stories, I think people will be interested to stay and read them. The text looks good on the background you have chosen and the color scheme is good for an archaeology and diary themed storybook.
I enjoyed your first entry about the monkey king. I read this unit as well so it was fun to read knowing what the story was about. Sun Wu Kung’s diary is mostly a summary of the story, which is fine. You also did a very good job to portray the attitude and cockiness of Sun Wu Kung in his diary, which I think was the best part of this writing. One thing I noticed: I think in your first sentence after “dear diary” you meant to put “I have never been more insulted,” but you left out the word never. Otherwise, great job!
Greg, I really liked your cover page! I thought the color scheme looked great and I thought including a little tagline at the top of the cover page was a nice touch. I thought the cover page image was nice too, it gave an antique feel to everything. I liked that you put yourself into your introduction. The way you set up your stories as part of an archaeological was interesting and it made me want to read along. I thought it made sense that you used real-life locations to ground your stories. Again, I thought the images were good as well. Navigation and all the redirecting links were fine.
Tying in the tea thing from the intro to the first story made the transition smooth. The line where you said “Greg takes an old scroll…” confused me a little bit. I thought it was weird that you referred to yourself in the third person, but I guess I just assumed it’d be first person. It could go either way and I don’t think you had specified it before that point. I liked that you told the story through a diary entry. Are you going to tell all of your stories this way? I think that would work if you want to!
Greg here is a Thank You for leaving the nice comment on my storytelling post for Week 6: The Tale of Frank and George. I am glad you agree that traveling is such an important part of life. It truly does teach us so much about ourselves and allows us the experience to connect with people. I am so glad you mentioned the owl as giving the frogs encouragement to keep going. I love how you phrased it as "needing a nudge every now and then to get us out of our comfort zone." I think this is so true and in looking back at my story it does seem that's what the owl provides for the frogs. Thanks for the comment and I appreciate you feedback!
Greg, I just wanted to take a moment to say thank you for all of your positive feedback! I’m glad you found my storybook interesting and your comments made me feel like I was on the right track with all this! I have been looking for the right picture to add to my introduction, as you suggested. Anyway, thank you again and I hope the rest of your semester goes smoothly!
Greg, I just wanted to thank you for your comment on my storytelling post from week four about the General's Wife. I appreciated that your comment sounded like a natural reaction to the story, and it really made it seem like you were interested. Thank you, also, for your perspective on the style and tone of that particular story--it will definitely help me in my approach to future storytelling posts!
I wanted to thank you for the nice comment you left on my week two storytelling post. Your comment about being a dog person and liking it whenever cats look bad made me laugh!
Greg, you have a really awesome storybook! Your cover page is fantastic; I love how it immediately sets up what the storybook is about with just a couple sentences, and it drags the reader into the story! I also like the layout overall, the color scheme and picture work really well. Your introduction is also fantastic. I love how you put the pictures throughout the story, like with the archeology site and the picture of Perseus and Andromeda. I really like how you incorporated yourself and this class; I thought that was really clever! Also your first story was great! The diary idea was good, I think it is really entertaining how you set it up and you can clearly see the personality of the Monkey King in the story. I would have to agree that he does seem like a jerk! I haven't read the original story yet, but I definitely want to based on your storybook. I also think your author's note explained the overall back story very well for someone who has not read it before. The picture you put in there is also works nicely! I look forward to your other stories, I'm sure they're going to be great!
Greg, Your storybook title is very interesting and it instantly caught my attention. Having heroes tell their own different stories is awesome. I as well am doing a storybook over a hero. I like that your cover page is simple and to the point. The color scheme nice too, with an intriguing picture of a diary. In your introduction you dive right into dialogue, which is great. I think it is neat how you incorporated our class as a study/project for use to go out and find information on ancient heroes. What makes me excited to read your storybook is that I love to read and learn about heroes, especially Greek ones. I am looking forward to reading them. Lastly how you introduced Neville and his discovery of the old diaries is a great way to end the intro because now you can just go through with all the stories you may want to share.
I really like how your first story turned out. The Monkey King is one of my favorite stories that I have read to date. You captured the personality of Sun Wu perfectly through his own words in the diary. Just from a few paragraphs you can capture his personality. Greg in the story sees this and closes the scroll and gives his opinion on Sun Wu, I can already see how you can easily flow from story to story if Greg is reading multiple dairy posts. Great job!
Sir Neville Oswald Chesterfield the Seventh is the greatest name ever. I can already tell I'm going to have to come back to read your entire storybook because of that name and the realistic theme this seems to have. Greg's reaction to finding out about the diary amuses me. I think if someone told me they found the actual Perseus' diary I'd laugh at them. And then once they gave me proof my brain would blow up a little. I suppose it does make sense that there would be some kind of truth to myths, though.
Your first story surprised me. Of all the mythological heroes, I didn't think I'd be reading the diary of the Monkey King. That's a great choice! I haven't read the stories myself, but we talked about the Monkey King a bit in my Chinese class last week. My brother is also a fan of his, but otherwise I never hear anything about him.
I like your site layout. The colors are really nice overall, the only thing that stands out to me is the orange line at the top. If you're able to change that, I think it'd look a little less glaring in a different color. And if you're able to change the font of the title, a serif would work really well there. I'm a nerd for graphic design stuff, though, so that might not be as important as I'm making it!
You did a great job and I can't wait to read more!
Your cover page for your storybook seems very practical for your theme and helps get the idea across very nicely. The colors of the menu and under the title are kind of out of place and a bit hard to read. Everything is just slightly different shades of orange.
The introduction does a great job of setting up the diaries to be read. I also really like the photos that you chose to include. The dialogue is well written and it was easy to follow even with so much speech.
The story was good and you put it together well, but still, the fonts of the title and the overall design of the page do not seem all that fitting for a king or an epic hero. The picture you chose fits well for this story and kind of suggests a time period. Besides the technical parts of the site, I think that this will be one of the better storybooks in the class. I will definitely come back to read about some legendary heroes and the way they tell their own stories.
It looks like you stayed with the default layout for the site, which might be the most original choice considering how many people did not. The pictures you’ve chosen are all really nice and enhance the content. That picture of the Monkey King is particularly striking and captures the character who you’ve portrayed in the diary quite well.
Neville strikes me as very, very English, and his interactions with Greg break things up nicely and stir up my appetite quite well besides. As for the diary entries themselves, they definitely do a good job of oozing the intended characters personalities. “The Monkey King” entry in particular is a very detailed portrayal that vividly portrays the ruler’s power and arrogance. The Sindbad story was a bit on the short side to me, but considering that you were only going to cover one of the sailor’s stories, I suppose that’s understandable. One thing I think would be good is if you used one font for diary entries and another for the dialogue between Greg and Neville. I think this would make it easier to discern the diary content from the frame narrative without resorting to using break markers, which I think might hurt the fluidity of this type of storybook. Great job so far! I love Arthurian myth so I’m really looking forward to see what you do with that next!
I’ve read your Intro and I thoroughly enjoyed the story line! With that said, your second story fits in well. I have not read the story of Sinbad, but it seems like an interesting read! The discussions between Greg and Sir Neville make for a valuable addition to the story and definitely helps the reader better understand the purpose of the story you had previously told. The only thing I would recommend is adding a journal entry or two to the story. It’s a bit short, so the ending comes a little abruptly. I was excited when I saw that you had written a story about the Monkey King! I’d read storytelling entries of the Monkey King so I was excited to see your spin on the story. And your retelling was fantastic! I love the idea of writing it in a diary format; it really exemplifies the Monkey King’s personality, and I’d have to agree that he does seem like a jerk haha. I also like how the story outlines all of his accomplishments. I think a little discussion of the heroic aspect of the Monkey King between Greg and Sir Neville would have been a nice touch, as in the first story. But either way I enjoyed your story and look forward to the next!
Greg, I like the color scheme you chose. Although when I see orange now, I can’t help but think of Halloween! Your coverpage really draws me in with that question. I wonder what they would say if they did keep diaries! It’s a good way to get your readers to really pay attention and have them want to know more. I can definitely get a Heroic vibe from the overall scheme here. Your introduction made me smile since you made the narrator (you) a student at OU! Using an ancient dig site is a creative way to come up with the diaries! I like that you added several photos because that gives us a lot more visual detail to go on.
Sindbad’s journal is so interesting. I bet he was definitely excited to start his adventures and figure out where the sea would take him. You have put good detail into his thoughts in this. I just wonder if these heroes would have recorded their observations in a more passive way. I get the feeling from the diary that it’s happening as I read it rather than a diary. Of course, that’s just a choice of style.
Overall I think you have a wonderful storybook here with a lot of creativity. Keep it up.
Hi Greg! I am so excited to come back and read some more of your work. Your storybook looks great so far! Your homepage gives just the right amount of intrigue to hook the reader, and I love the dialogue in your introduction and how it sets up the relationship between mentor and student. It is interesting that you yourself are the student, and I appreciate that because it allows you to more naturally narrate--just like you would in everyday speech. Your introduction is especially fascinating because of the way it frames these heroes: as people who actually existed in history, not just as superhuman, godlike beings.
I appreciated that you tailored your style of writing to the person that each diary belonged to. In your author's note for the Monkey King's journal, you mentioned that he is very arrogant (and I agree!), and the reader can clearly see that with your word choice. To call his own life "incredible" and to boast about all of his accomplishments really shows Sun Wu Kung's conceit. The tone that Sinbad takes in his diary is more humble, and sometimes this can be a mark of a great hero: one who doesn't necessarily have all the skills but who is willing to have courage and grow through his experiences.
One thing I was confused about was the order of the pages. When I read it, Sinbad's diary came first on your site, and it seemed like the Monkey King was supposed to have been first. I had the same problem when I was making my sample site; the subpages were ordered alphabetically. This should be an easy change in your settings. :)
Overall, the details in your writing and your style are great! I will definitely have to come back and read the end of your storybook.
Greg, I enjoyed your cover page with the question at the top “What would it be like if ancient heroes had kept diaries? “ It gets the reader hooked from the start. Your introduction was very clever. For many storybooks using the diary approach the introduction is just an introductory diary post, but yours was very different! I like how you had “yourself” on an archeological site where you were uncovering all of the different diaries. Instead of just focusing on one unit, I think it is great how you are integrating multiple units: Greek mythology, The Monkey King, and Voyages of Sinbad. I am interested to see how your retellings will showcase each of these very different tales. I think a diary approach is a great way to show the inner workings and thought processes of these heroes.
I decided to focus on your first story: The Monkey King’s Diary. I thought it was great how you start off with yourself and the archeologist again so the storybook does not automatically jump straight into the diary post. It provides a good transition. I also like how you described the diary as a scroll: something we would commonly see more in Chinese culture. I think there might be a small error in the second sentence of the diary post because it does not say who told him that his position was no office at all. You did a great job of showing the king’s emotion and capturing his anger, which is why the diary post was a perfect fit for retelling these stories. You really captured the arrogance of the Monkey King in your writing and how you portray him. I also liked your ending where you switch back to the archeological site and mention how you think he is a jerk. It provides a good ending to the story and states what we were all kind of thinking as we read it.
I was pretty excited to read your more recent story about Sinbad and some of his adventures. Those stories just always seem so fun, and when I hear them, they seem so familiar because they have been around so long and adapted into different stories so much. His adventures are some that people build stereotypes around when they think of ancient sailors and their stories of sea monsters and islands of giant, dangerous animals.
I like the way you have been framing the stories with dialogue from the professor. In this case, since the story is from the Arabian Nights, the framing and levels of stories fits the circumstances very well. The story itself did seem to be kind of short compared to the talking around it. I am not particularly sure of how Sinbad escapes from this island (and that is not necessary for the story), but it would be nice to mention whether he makes it out or not.
The ending commentary about whether or not he is considered a hero is a good way to get the reader to think or discuss your stories. Overall, the story is great, the picture fits it very well, and everything required is there. I still think that you might want to change of the formatting some, but the colors seem to fit this one quite well.
Hi, Greg! I chose your storybook for my extra this week because the title sounded interesting. Your introduction was very good. I love how you presented the stories as being archeological finds of ancient diaries. It’s a really unique idea. It was very well written and set up the rest of your storybook very well.
For your first story, you did such a great job showing Sun Wu Kung’s arrogance and conceitedness. It was actually funny reading it and hearing how highly he thought of himself. You did a great job showing his anger at the heavenly officials and how much it upset him that they didn’t think he was the most amazing being on the planet. I thought your transition at the end was great when the two characters were talking about Kung and types of heroes.
Your second story was also good. It was great how the tone and set up of the two diary entries were completely different. It really showed the different writers. I loved how at the end you and Neville talk about heroes and what makes a hero. It adds a lot of extra depth to the story. Great job so far with your storybook! I’ll look forward to reading your future stories.
Hi Greg, I just wanted to say thank you for the comments that you left on my storybook this semester. I think you actually read more than one of my stories but I especially enjoyed the comment in October. Your professor's opinion is something I've never heard before but that would be crazy!!
I'm reading through "The Sword in the Stone" in your Storybook, and I must say that I like the little bit of philosophy you have included in Sir Chesterfield's response to Greg's assertion that Arthur didn't "seem that heroic" to him. It seems to be a good comment on how destiny is not the guarantee that one will do good but rather the opportunity to choose to do good.
Also, you do a good job of showing the evolution of Arthur's thinking over the course of his diary entries. His maturity seems to grow with each line he includes in his journal.
By the way, here are a few grammar and typographical corrections I would suggest:
In the second paragraph, you write "Whenever me and my mates...", but it should be "Whenever my mates and I...". Now, if it was your intention to include that mistake in Chesterfield, then you should keep it.
In the fourth paragraph, make sure to have a question mark after "How'd you like to read about how Arthur became king."
In the seventh paragraph, I'm a little confused by the phrase "I hope against hope that..." If you mean to take out part of that? It doesn't make too much sense to me as it is right now.
I am excited to be back reading your storybook this week. I haven't been to your storybook since one of the first weeks in the course so I am excited to be back. This week for my reading unit, I read Dante's Inferno for the first time ever so I think I will be reading your storybook with new eyes and a new appreciation for the story.
First off, I love the overall "look" of your storybook. I like that it looks like it was handwritten and on notebook paper, as it is the diary of an intern. Your introduction was very well written. It was super interesting to me now that I know the story of Dante's Inferno.
I really love your writing style. It is filled to the brim with imagery, intelligence, and symbolism and I thought you did an amazing job with all of your stories. They were easy to understand and I thought they were an amazing retelling of Dante's Inferno, without just retelling the story. Great job!
Greg, I wanted to thank you for your kind comments on my blog throughout the semester. I may have mentioned this before, but I appreciate that you pick up on the little details of each story and seem genuinely interested--that is so encouraging to any writer! Thanks again!
Greg, Thank you for the comment you left regarding my Storybook. I'm glad that you enjoyed my use of the story of Adam and Eve. Thank you for the encouragement!
Greg, thank you so much for choosing a color scheme that doesn't blind me when I turn on my laptop. I love earthy hues, and it works well considering that you're discussing dig sites and aged diaries. Also, on your coverpage, the image matches the color scheme. Good eye.
ReplyDeleteIt looks like you and I share a similar style when it comes to dialogue. I prefer to omit "he said, she said, etc." whenever I can. Most of the time, those indicators are redundant. It's much more natural, in my opinion, to read the dialogue as if I were to hear it. Your choice to write the dialogue as such is one of my favorite parts of your style.
When it comes to grammar and syntax, only one sentence jumped out at me. When you write "I... I can leave if you need me to?", the question mark is unnecessary. The ellipse you include is enough to indicate that the narrator is feeling uncertain whether he's welcome at the dig site.
Overall, I love the concept, and I'm excited to see what you end up doing with it. There are so many interesting approaches you could take with ancient diaries. Good luck!
I like that your cover page image was very relevant to your title. I am excited to see what your storybook has in store. I loved a post you did last week and that is why I chose your storybook this week. I liked that your introduction was told from your personal point of view, and not from a character. I thought that was a really interesting method to start your storybook with. I really liked that your stories are coming from a logical source like an archaeological dig site. I think it is interesting how different your writing is compared to other people in the class. I can tell you have taken letters courses because you write a lot like my friend who is also a letters major. You have a different way of viewing things and a different type of creative mind than I do. I actually read the version of “The Monkey King’s Diary” in your storytelling post from last week, and really liked it. So, I am happy you chose to include it in your storybook!I liked that neither you or Neville seemed to like the Monkey King. I can’t wait to read about the other heroes you will write about and how you choose to tell their stories.
ReplyDeleteGreg,
ReplyDeleteI really liked your introduction and your page has a good layout overall. Your idea is fantastic and I like that you included yourself in the story. I think you did good to give the archaeologist a personality, from his long name to drinking tea at the end. I also think it’s good that you came right out and said what stories will be in your storybook. Since these are all well-known and popular stories, I think people will be interested to stay and read them. The text looks good on the background you have chosen and the color scheme is good for an archaeology and diary themed storybook.
I enjoyed your first entry about the monkey king. I read this unit as well so it was fun to read knowing what the story was about. Sun Wu Kung’s diary is mostly a summary of the story, which is fine. You also did a very good job to portray the attitude and cockiness of Sun Wu Kung in his diary, which I think was the best part of this writing. One thing I noticed: I think in your first sentence after “dear diary” you meant to put “I have never been more insulted,” but you left out the word never. Otherwise, great job!
Greg, I really liked your cover page! I thought the color scheme looked great and I thought including a little tagline at the top of the cover page was a nice touch. I thought the cover page image was nice too, it gave an antique feel to everything. I liked that you put yourself into your introduction. The way you set up your stories as part of an archaeological was interesting and it made me want to read along. I thought it made sense that you used real-life locations to ground your stories. Again, I thought the images were good as well. Navigation and all the redirecting links were fine.
ReplyDeleteTying in the tea thing from the intro to the first story made the transition smooth. The line where you said “Greg takes an old scroll…” confused me a little bit. I thought it was weird that you referred to yourself in the third person, but I guess I just assumed it’d be first person. It could go either way and I don’t think you had specified it before that point. I liked that you told the story through a diary entry. Are you going to tell all of your stories this way? I think that would work if you want to!
Greg here is a Thank You for leaving the nice comment on my storytelling post for Week 6: The Tale of Frank and George. I am glad you agree that traveling is such an important part of life. It truly does teach us so much about ourselves and allows us the experience to connect with people. I am so glad you mentioned the owl as giving the frogs encouragement to keep going. I love how you phrased it as "needing a nudge every now and then to get us out of our comfort zone." I think this is so true and in looking back at my story it does seem that's what the owl provides for the frogs. Thanks for the comment and I appreciate you feedback!
ReplyDeleteGreg, I just wanted to take a moment to say thank you for all of your positive feedback! I’m glad you found my storybook interesting and your comments made me feel like I was on the right track with all this! I have been looking for the right picture to add to my introduction, as you suggested. Anyway, thank you again and I hope the rest of your semester goes smoothly!
ReplyDeleteGreg, I just wanted to thank you for your comment on my storytelling post from week four about the General's Wife. I appreciated that your comment sounded like a natural reaction to the story, and it really made it seem like you were interested. Thank you, also, for your perspective on the style and tone of that particular story--it will definitely help me in my approach to future storytelling posts!
ReplyDeleteHi Greg,
ReplyDeleteI wanted to thank you for the nice comment you left on my week two storytelling post. Your comment about being a dog person and liking it whenever cats look bad made me laugh!
Greg, you have a really awesome storybook! Your cover page is fantastic; I love how it immediately sets up what the storybook is about with just a couple sentences, and it drags the reader into the story! I also like the layout overall, the color scheme and picture work really well. Your introduction is also fantastic. I love how you put the pictures throughout the story, like with the archeology site and the picture of Perseus and Andromeda. I really like how you incorporated yourself and this class; I thought that was really clever! Also your first story was great! The diary idea was good, I think it is really entertaining how you set it up and you can clearly see the personality of the Monkey King in the story. I would have to agree that he does seem like a jerk! I haven't read the original story yet, but I definitely want to based on your storybook. I also think your author's note explained the overall back story very well for someone who has not read it before. The picture you put in there is also works nicely! I look forward to your other stories, I'm sure they're going to be great!
ReplyDeleteGreg,
ReplyDeleteYour storybook title is very interesting and it instantly caught my attention. Having heroes tell their own different stories is awesome. I as well am doing a storybook over a hero. I like that your cover page is simple and to the point. The color scheme nice too, with an intriguing picture of a diary.
In your introduction you dive right into dialogue, which is great. I think it is neat how you incorporated our class as a study/project for use to go out and find information on ancient heroes. What makes me excited to read your storybook is that I love to read and learn about heroes, especially Greek ones. I am looking forward to reading them. Lastly how you introduced Neville and his discovery of the old diaries is a great way to end the intro because now you can just go through with all the stories you may want to share.
I really like how your first story turned out. The Monkey King is one of my favorite stories that I have read to date. You captured the personality of Sun Wu perfectly through his own words in the diary. Just from a few paragraphs you can capture his personality. Greg in the story sees this and closes the scroll and gives his opinion on Sun Wu, I can already see how you can easily flow from story to story if Greg is reading multiple dairy posts. Great job!
Sir Neville Oswald Chesterfield the Seventh is the greatest name ever. I can already tell I'm going to have to come back to read your entire storybook because of that name and the realistic theme this seems to have. Greg's reaction to finding out about the diary amuses me. I think if someone told me they found the actual Perseus' diary I'd laugh at them. And then once they gave me proof my brain would blow up a little. I suppose it does make sense that there would be some kind of truth to myths, though.
ReplyDeleteYour first story surprised me. Of all the mythological heroes, I didn't think I'd be reading the diary of the Monkey King. That's a great choice! I haven't read the stories myself, but we talked about the Monkey King a bit in my Chinese class last week. My brother is also a fan of his, but otherwise I never hear anything about him.
I like your site layout. The colors are really nice overall, the only thing that stands out to me is the orange line at the top. If you're able to change that, I think it'd look a little less glaring in a different color. And if you're able to change the font of the title, a serif would work really well there. I'm a nerd for graphic design stuff, though, so that might not be as important as I'm making it!
You did a great job and I can't wait to read more!
Your cover page for your storybook seems very practical for your theme and helps get the idea across very nicely. The colors of the menu and under the title are kind of out of place and a bit hard to read. Everything is just slightly different shades of orange.
ReplyDeleteThe introduction does a great job of setting up the diaries to be read. I also really like the photos that you chose to include. The dialogue is well written and it was easy to follow even with so much speech.
The story was good and you put it together well, but still, the fonts of the title and the overall design of the page do not seem all that fitting for a king or an epic hero. The picture you chose fits well for this story and kind of suggests a time period. Besides the technical parts of the site, I think that this will be one of the better storybooks in the class. I will definitely come back to read about some legendary heroes and the way they tell their own stories.
It looks like you stayed with the default layout for the site, which might be the most original choice considering how many people did not. The pictures you’ve chosen are all really nice and enhance the content. That picture of the Monkey King is particularly striking and captures the character who you’ve portrayed in the diary quite well.
ReplyDeleteNeville strikes me as very, very English, and his interactions with Greg break things up nicely and stir up my appetite quite well besides. As for the diary entries themselves, they definitely do a good job of oozing the intended characters personalities. “The Monkey King” entry in particular is a very detailed portrayal that vividly portrays the ruler’s power and arrogance. The Sindbad story was a bit on the short side to me, but considering that you were only going to cover one of the sailor’s stories, I suppose that’s understandable. One thing I think would be good is if you used one font for diary entries and another for the dialogue between Greg and Neville. I think this would make it easier to discern the diary content from the frame narrative without resorting to using break markers, which I think might hurt the fluidity of this type of storybook. Great job so far! I love Arthurian myth so I’m really looking forward to see what you do with that next!
I’ve read your Intro and I thoroughly enjoyed the story line! With that said, your second story fits in well. I have not read the story of Sinbad, but it seems like an interesting read! The discussions between Greg and Sir Neville make for a valuable addition to the story and definitely helps the reader better understand the purpose of the story you had previously told. The only thing I would recommend is adding a journal entry or two to the story. It’s a bit short, so the ending comes a little abruptly. I was excited when I saw that you had written a story about the Monkey King! I’d read storytelling entries of the Monkey King so I was excited to see your spin on the story. And your retelling was fantastic! I love the idea of writing it in a diary format; it really exemplifies the Monkey King’s personality, and I’d have to agree that he does seem like a jerk haha. I also like how the story outlines all of his accomplishments. I think a little discussion of the heroic aspect of the Monkey King between Greg and Sir Neville would have been a nice touch, as in the first story. But either way I enjoyed your story and look forward to the next!
ReplyDeleteGreg, I like the color scheme you chose. Although when I see orange now, I can’t help but think of Halloween! Your coverpage really draws me in with that question. I wonder what they would say if they did keep diaries! It’s a good way to get your readers to really pay attention and have them want to know more. I can definitely get a Heroic vibe from the overall scheme here. Your introduction made me smile since you made the narrator (you) a student at OU! Using an ancient dig site is a creative way to come up with the diaries! I like that you added several photos because that gives us a lot more visual detail to go on.
ReplyDeleteSindbad’s journal is so interesting. I bet he was definitely excited to start his adventures and figure out where the sea would take him. You have put good detail into his thoughts in this. I just wonder if these heroes would have recorded their observations in a more passive way. I get the feeling from the diary that it’s happening as I read it rather than a diary. Of course, that’s just a choice of style.
Overall I think you have a wonderful storybook here with a lot of creativity. Keep it up.
Hi Greg! I am so excited to come back and read some more of your work. Your storybook looks great so far! Your homepage gives just the right amount of intrigue to hook the reader, and I love the dialogue in your introduction and how it sets up the relationship between mentor and student. It is interesting that you yourself are the student, and I appreciate that because it allows you to more naturally narrate--just like you would in everyday speech. Your introduction is especially fascinating because of the way it frames these heroes: as people who actually existed in history, not just as superhuman, godlike beings.
ReplyDeleteI appreciated that you tailored your style of writing to the person that each diary belonged to. In your author's note for the Monkey King's journal, you mentioned that he is very arrogant (and I agree!), and the reader can clearly see that with your word choice. To call his own life "incredible" and to boast about all of his accomplishments really shows Sun Wu Kung's conceit. The tone that Sinbad takes in his diary is more humble, and sometimes this can be a mark of a great hero: one who doesn't necessarily have all the skills but who is willing to have courage and grow through his experiences.
One thing I was confused about was the order of the pages. When I read it, Sinbad's diary came first on your site, and it seemed like the Monkey King was supposed to have been first. I had the same problem when I was making my sample site; the subpages were ordered alphabetically. This should be an easy change in your settings. :)
Overall, the details in your writing and your style are great! I will definitely have to come back and read the end of your storybook.
Greg, I enjoyed your cover page with the question at the top “What would it be like if ancient heroes had kept diaries? “ It gets the reader hooked from the start. Your introduction was very clever. For many storybooks using the diary approach the introduction is just an introductory diary post, but yours was very different! I like how you had “yourself” on an archeological site where you were uncovering all of the different diaries. Instead of just focusing on one unit, I think it is great how you are integrating multiple units: Greek mythology, The Monkey King, and Voyages of Sinbad. I am interested to see how your retellings will showcase each of these very different tales. I think a diary approach is a great way to show the inner workings and thought processes of these heroes.
ReplyDeleteI decided to focus on your first story: The Monkey King’s Diary. I thought it was great how you start off with yourself and the archeologist again so the storybook does not automatically jump straight into the diary post. It provides a good transition. I also like how you described the diary as a scroll: something we would commonly see more in Chinese culture. I think there might be a small error in the second sentence of the diary post because it does not say who told him that his position was no office at all. You did a great job of showing the king’s emotion and capturing his anger, which is why the diary post was a perfect fit for retelling these stories. You really captured the arrogance of the Monkey King in your writing and how you portray him. I also liked your ending where you switch back to the archeological site and mention how you think he is a jerk. It provides a good ending to the story and states what we were all kind of thinking as we read it.
I was pretty excited to read your more recent story about Sinbad and some of his adventures. Those stories just always seem so fun, and when I hear them, they seem so familiar because they have been around so long and adapted into different stories so much. His adventures are some that people build stereotypes around when they think of ancient sailors and their stories of sea monsters and islands of giant, dangerous animals.
ReplyDeleteI like the way you have been framing the stories with dialogue from the professor. In this case, since the story is from the Arabian Nights, the framing and levels of stories fits the circumstances very well. The story itself did seem to be kind of short compared to the talking around it. I am not particularly sure of how Sinbad escapes from this island (and that is not necessary for the story), but it would be nice to mention whether he makes it out or not.
The ending commentary about whether or not he is considered a hero is a good way to get the reader to think or discuss your stories. Overall, the story is great, the picture fits it very well, and everything required is there. I still think that you might want to change of the formatting some, but the colors seem to fit this one quite well.
Hi, Greg! I chose your storybook for my extra this week because the title sounded interesting. Your introduction was very good. I love how you presented the stories as being archeological finds of ancient diaries. It’s a really unique idea. It was very well written and set up the rest of your storybook very well.
ReplyDeleteFor your first story, you did such a great job showing Sun Wu Kung’s arrogance and conceitedness. It was actually funny reading it and hearing how highly he thought of himself. You did a great job showing his anger at the heavenly officials and how much it upset him that they didn’t think he was the most amazing being on the planet. I thought your transition at the end was great when the two characters were talking about Kung and types of heroes.
Your second story was also good. It was great how the tone and set up of the two diary entries were completely different. It really showed the different writers. I loved how at the end you and Neville talk about heroes and what makes a hero. It adds a lot of extra depth to the story. Great job so far with your storybook! I’ll look forward to reading your future stories.
Hi Greg, I just wanted to say thank you for the comments that you left on my storybook this semester. I think you actually read more than one of my stories but I especially enjoyed the comment in October. Your professor's opinion is something I've never heard before but that would be crazy!!
ReplyDeleteI'm reading through "The Sword in the Stone" in your Storybook, and I must say that I like the little bit of philosophy you have included in Sir Chesterfield's response to Greg's assertion that Arthur didn't "seem that heroic" to him. It seems to be a good comment on how destiny is not the guarantee that one will do good but rather the opportunity to choose to do good.
ReplyDeleteAlso, you do a good job of showing the evolution of Arthur's thinking over the course of his diary entries. His maturity seems to grow with each line he includes in his journal.
By the way, here are a few grammar and typographical corrections I would suggest:
In the second paragraph, you write "Whenever me and my mates...", but it should be "Whenever my mates and I...". Now, if it was your intention to include that mistake in Chesterfield, then you should keep it.
In the fourth paragraph, make sure to have a question mark after "How'd you like to read about how Arthur became king."
In the seventh paragraph, I'm a little confused by the phrase "I hope against hope that..." If you mean to take out part of that? It doesn't make too much sense to me as it is right now.
Still, great work as usual!
Greg,
ReplyDeleteI am excited to be back reading your storybook this week. I haven't been to your storybook since one of the first weeks in the course so I am excited to be back. This week for my reading unit, I read Dante's Inferno for the first time ever so I think I will be reading your storybook with new eyes and a new appreciation for the story.
First off, I love the overall "look" of your storybook. I like that it looks like it was handwritten and on notebook paper, as it is the diary of an intern. Your introduction was very well written. It was super interesting to me now that I know the story of Dante's Inferno.
I really love your writing style. It is filled to the brim with imagery, intelligence, and symbolism and I thought you did an amazing job with all of your stories. They were easy to understand and I thought they were an amazing retelling of Dante's Inferno, without just retelling the story. Great job!
Greg, I wanted to thank you for your kind comments on my blog throughout the semester. I may have mentioned this before, but I appreciate that you pick up on the little details of each story and seem genuinely interested--that is so encouraging to any writer! Thanks again!
ReplyDeleteGreg,
ReplyDeleteThank you for the comment you left regarding my Storybook. I'm glad that you enjoyed my use of the story of Adam and Eve. Thank you for the encouragement!